One of the things I have started to do every two weeks is commiserate with some of the other expats. My attempt to fully integrate was causing my eyes to bulge and smoke to come out of my ears. Mostly because I was tired of being a stereotype and the cultural hypocrisy.
If you ever get into a conversation with someone about politics in China, especially China versus the U.S. you are going to get an earful. Generally locals will tell you that China is misunderstood and America is wrong. I don’t have a problem with your opinion on the subject and I may not agree but I certainly will not insist that one way or another is right. Unfortunately, if you disagree with something someone is saying, somehow people think you are arguing with them.
What I find surprising in China is that many people still see America as a place where we have all banned together to subvert other country’s policies and culture. I find all of this rather baffling because for the most part, nobody forces American culture on the rest of the world. People from other countries watch American tv shows, listen to our music, and buy our products. America cannot force its culture and products on anyone, you have to choose to purchase it. If you don’t want our cultural influences then you can stop buying or watching and/or engaging because I am not putting a gun to your head.
So as usual, this post ties to a taxi conversation. I really liked my cabbie because he explained lots of things to me in a way that made sense. We were talking about a variety of issues but one topic was purchasing western goods. (Side note – I went shopping and bought shoes that were 35% off and still the same price as a full price back home. I thought this was outrageous as the salaries in China are lower and many of the goods are made in China). Why should something that is made here be so expensive? According to the cabbie, western brands can charge whatever they like because of mianzi. The cabbie was saying that in Chinese culture if you buy something, your neighbor has to buy the same thing or something better. Everyone is always comparing themselves to each other so really nothing much you can do about that other than not participate. However, the concept of not being like the others and not participating does not seem like a viable solution here. I have asked several people who have complained about random things, “If you hate x,y,z, why do you participate?” I usually get shrugs and sometimes, “Everyone else is doing it.”
Now while I will say, “This is China and oh well this is the Chinese way,” when it comes to locals here, I actually mean it. What I will not do is force Chinese cultural norms on westerners.
This has become a source of frustration for some of my Chinese friends. They feel that my attitude towards things are too cut and dry and too logical without considering people’s feelings. I obviously don’t feel that way but I will agree that some of my delivery needs work.
What I have noticed in China which is very different from back home is the level of cultural and language tolerance. Obviously, many of us have not grown up in China so we do not speak the language but what you will hear over and over again when you talk to expats about living here is that sometimes the locals know that you don’t speak the language or don’t speak it well so they will 1) ignore you, 2) yell at you, 3) tell you in an irritated voice they don’t understand you, and/or 4) just say, “No.” Do any of things actually solve the problem or help the situation? No, but solvency does not always seem valued here. Most times people seem to hope that the problem or rather you, will go away. (Obviously, this strategy will never work with me because I am assertive).
Now this is a very big generalization but for the most part this is true from the various states I have been to or lived in. Generally, when you meet a tourist or a student in the U.S. that does not speak English or does not speak English well, our reaction is totally different. Usually, we sit there and try to figure out what you want or need. We mime, we draw, we ask someone else for help, or we tell you politely that we cannot help you but try to find you someone who can. Most importantly, we try to explain why, how, who, what, when, where, etc. Personally, I think it is because Americans are a mixed bunch and we have lots of immigrants, so we tend to be more forgiving of language issues and accents. We do have the occasional asses that will tell you to go home but for the most part that is NOT the norm.
Current Mood: Trying to figure out how to deal with the hypocrisy without scaring, intimidating, being confrontational, being aggressive, or exhibiting any of the other typical New Yorker traits. I need to figure out the Chinese translation for the following phrases: 1) “You are entitled to your own opinion,” and 2) “You are not the only one with feelings. Why are yours more important than mine?”
