Trusting people in China is ultra hard.  Christmas is probably the hardest.  Normally would be back home buying and wrapping presents for homeless people, working at the shelters and soup kitchens, and trying to figure out the next “puppy” project.  But in China, every time I do something, I am told by locals that I am either doing too much, expecting too much, or not doing enough for myself, which leads me to question my basic principles which is a little confusing.

Dad asked me why I was bothering to help the school negotiate a better contract for the students when I did not get anything from the deal.  I had no extra monetary compensation.  I am not going to get credit for negotiating the deal.  I cannot benefit from the deal.  Dad made all these great points and then pointed out this is why I always get screwed.  But I am who I am and its always been enough.

Lately, I am not sure.  Am I morphing into something I don’t want to be?  The professor I constantly disagree with once told me, “Spend enough time in China and you will act like the rest of us.”  I had always told him that would never happen but recently, I am starting to see his point.  It really is hard to be me in China when most of the people cannot be genuine if looking at the end of a barrel.  I always knew who was lying to me but not always how or why.  Mom taught me enough to treat people like chess pieces if I did not understand their motives because at least if I had a pattern, I could analyze based on the pattern.

Problem I have in China is that I do not understand the culture enough to know a pattern.  So I finally figured out the pattern of most people in the office I interact with but it has taken me five months.  Is that too late?  It might be in my case.

The sad thing is that the office pattern is very simple and very selfish.  The problem is that my mindset and actions are so contrary to theirs that I did not comprehend what was going on.  Originally, I tried to spend as little time with the other westerners on campus because I wanted to integrate my language skills and learn about Chinese culture.  I think that attitude backfired because it was not until I had, had a few discussions with the other Americans who had been here for a few years or had gone back and forth did I realize what the pattern was.

I have not seen Survivor in a long time – since the first season but it feels like that.  I have always been at a huge disadvantage for having a low EQ in the US but in China having a low EQ and lack of cultural background is just suicide.  The only good thing is that for the most part my IQ balances the terrible EQ.

The other night I had a dream about a news story that was on Dateline NBC and 60 Minutes.  It was about  one of the smartest people ever recorded in terms of IQ – never finished college and became a janitor in the midwest.  When interviewed they claimed that his EQ was close to zero and he could not function with most people because he just could not communicate with them.  He dropped out of college because he constantly fought with his professors and was just tired of not being able to get along with others.  When I woke up I was trying to decide if my mom was trying to tell me to hurry it along in terms of understanding Chinese culture or to warn me about some impending doom.

For the most part, I think mom was trying to tell me about impending doom.  I know that the professor that I do not get along with has way better EQ than I.  I know that he kisses butt and tells people what they want to hear.  I know that fighting with him is terrible for me because he has worked here for 10 years and has had that amount of time to build relationships with people.  I know that in China most people have their jobs and keep them because of “guangxi” and not because they really know what they are doing or work hard.

I now know that office gossip is a traded jewel, way to socially bond, and to smear others.  I was told by my Chinese friends that this is the way that China works but I did not think that it was that bad.  Office gossip works amazingly well in China at universities because professors do not come into the office all the time and most staff wander in and out to get forms approved through seals.  This gives them the opportunity to interact with others and claim that a 5 minute activity took 20-45 minutes or longer because of wait times.  Sometimes it does but most of the time no, it does not.

Personally I think that the lack of time cards and ways to track the efficiency allows the system to function this way.  If they were forced to keep track of every 15 minutes of their day like we have to back home, no way would it be this bad.  Most of the time, people here ignore corruption and bad things because it is in their self interest.  The idea of doing things because it is the right thing to do does not exist.

I started teaching American Constitutional Law thinking that I would help my students understand American values and ideas more.  Instead, my con law class helped teach me about Chinese culture.  Yesterday some of the professors and students were confused about suing over principles, asking for damages such as “to prevent this from happening to others,” and “individual applications.”

In response to one of the guest lecturer’s question about how the concept of “face” affects laws in China, a student stated how they want to conform to society.  Another professor stated but why should we sue “to prevent this from happening to others,” when it costs us money and time.  At that point, I had the biggest Eureka moment in China.

So for the holidays I am thankful for the following:

1. My awesome Chinese friends who let my complain and pepper them with questions about Chinese culture and society.
2. The professor that I am always arguing with because without him, I never would have even begun to wonder about the different values and circumstances in China.  Sometimes you just need to be burned in order to see the truth about things.  I certainly never would have learned the Chinese idiom, “You should not pity people but hate them.”
3. The office people who sit around gossiping and defending their positions through spreading gossip because I never would have realized that gossip could be used as a weapon.
4. My students who ask lots of questions that make me think about cultural issues and values.  They certainly force me to think about the best way to explain my values to them.  They have certainly taught me more about Chinese culture than some of my peers and colleagues.  At least they can explain things to me with relative ease and honesty.
5. The wonderful mentors, colleagues, and friends from home.  Without them being so awesome to me all these years, I never would have been so blind to what was going on in China.  If you had not been wonderful human beings all these years, I never would have been the happy, idealistic fool I am.
6. For my China experience, without the bad you do not realize the good.  Sometimes, I just forget that there could be worse out there.  It also made me realize that my life and principles are not for everyone but it works for me.  China certainly puts me and my principles to the test every day.  If nothing else I can say, I will always defend my values and principles without it being empty words.

Current Mood – Happy and Contemplative